My girlfriend left me because I went to bed with another. No need to go into detail, what a bad person I am and so on, except maybe to mention that she cheated on me several times before, too. Over the years, we always had our little tiffs, but we managed to patch it all up, time and again. Except this time. My car is parked in an underground garage with only card access. My newly ex-girlfriend is kind of crazy, so I am guessing it was she who trashed my car with some sort of object, most likely a baseball bat. I'll probably wind up having to eat the damage, though I reported her to the police; but they weren't terribly interested and couldn't find any proof. For a while they even suspected me as the perpetrator. And the comprehensive insurance policy is not paying up for the same reason. A whole week I pondered how I could pay my ex back and I came up with some really dumb ideas. Most of them, unfortunately, were illegal and dangerous. Faced with the choice, I decided I'd best do something that, while illegal, wasn't dangerous and funny to boot.
I rode to the home improvement center (by bus) and bought a ton of superglue. Taking it with me yesterday evening, I rode to her new apartment, kind of broke in, which was easy enough given that she never locks up, and I glued all her shoes to the floor of her shoe closet. Then on to all the cups in the back of the cupboard, the blanket on her bed, a kitchen chair to the floor, a half-eaten steak to the plate it was left on and the plate in turn to the kitchen table. I glued her old glasses into the glass case, the portable heater to the bathroom floor, all her cosmetic articles to one another; and the bathroom mat to the floor, so that she wouldn't slip when she jumps out of the shower enraged because the hand-held shower head is stuck to its holder. The toilet cover to the toilet seat, the telephone receiver to the cradle.I actually was going to glue her acoustic guitar in its case, but then took pity on the instrument. Her best friend just called to ask me if I had anything loose in my attic. I had a pretty good laugh at that.
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