Confess Your Sin Register | Login
your sins in one place |
new comments new comments:

Work hard, Party harder (00000300)
2.7/5 (134 Votes)
I grew up getting molested by my family's friends. I feel awkward these days because I have to greet them every time I come face to face with them. How do you forgive seven years? Do you just forgive it so easily? How do I get over the fact that one of them was a friend of my brother's, who had a crush on my sister, and used me in the most isolated years of my life. How do I get over the fact that they threatened to touch my little sister if I didn't let them get away? We didn't have much food when I was younger, so they also gave food. I didn't eat any of it because I wanted my parents and siblings to get fed instead. I thought I had to grow up. I didn't talk much for those years of my life either. I didn't find it worth it when I had tried to convince them of what was going on at the time. The first time I confessed it happened I was kicked out the house for a day. Because I was 4 and it didn't seem right to leave a kid on the street. I gained a drinking problem over those years. These days, I regret it. I had a boyfriend when I was 15. I was a romantic and I thought I had found a shoulder to lean on. He cheated on me, and told me he was raped. My heart shattered for him. I waited weeks for him to confess the truth, but he never did. It took me 2 years to open my heart up again. I had another boyfriend at the age of 17 for about 6 months. The entire time we dated, I knew he was cheating on me. But I sat aside. I thought I could win his heart back by giving him my virginity. No big deal, right? I've already had worse done to me. I picked up drinking again around the time of our break up. I had a bartender friend during my high school years who supported my wanting to emotionally float away. I was raped a couple times last year. I still can't talk about it because I still sob uncontrollably over it. I drank more. It was my 1st semester. I turned 18 last year. I ended up in the hospital. Blacked out. Arrested. Confused. Broken. I have many sisters. One who looked at me from the hospital chair as I laid there, and said, "You were drinking too much." She smirked. The entire time I was getting molested, the guy was only looking at her. Forcing his evil onto me because she rejected him in a cruel manner. And it broke him. I can't stand the taste of alcohol anymore. It reminds me of why I drank in the first place. It reminds me of the stink of how broken I remain. I wish I could float back to Earth, but how do you live when when you close your eyes all you see is them. People tell me I'm beautiful. Pretty. A kind soul, But my eyes are hollowed to that. No one believes I'm sick 8 months out of the year.every year. I had another asthma attack last night. It took me about an hour and a half to find my inhaler. I freaked out. Panicked. My insurance wouldn't cover hospital bills... if I needed to stay there. Sometimes my body gives up on me. My leg turns to boiling blood and it overloads with pain. I used to be suicidal. I am suicidal again. But I don't want to take that way out. How can I live my dream as a writer if I so easily give up? My parents hate my writing. Hate my music. Hate my love for language and instruments. I'm broken. Not quite bitter, and I can't hate anyone. If you're still reading. Let me add on more. I had a 4.0 coming out of high school with no scholarships. I found that strange, and then I found out my mother had hidden the liberal arts colleges' mail. I received a lot of scholarships. The school they trapped me into going. I pay for myself. and now I have no way of paying for it. I'm getting kicked out not because I'm incompetent, but because I can't pay. I thought I could fix it myself. So I had a job. But my parents called in accusing them , in order to trap me back into unemployment. So I tried to apply for 200 jobs every week until I got responses. I didn't have a cell phone for a my resume still had my home phone..which meant my parents could easily ignore the calls or hang up. I felt. unwanted and insufficient. These days, I can't eat for days. Or sleep for fear that I will die in my sleep. Or forget to breathe as I often do. When I close my eyes, I remember. I remember blackmail, I remember hospitals, I remember ....nothing, sometimes. Is it a sin to be alive when it hurts your soul to stay?

Posted on 05.03.2013, 14:54:38 CET

Write a comment

Notice: is not responsible for article contents. These contents originate with private users! Users are completely responsible for any kind of publication and its consequences. Expressing onself in a respectful manner and civil discourse with others are basic principle of our network. Insults of any sort, mobbing or holding others up to ridicule will not be tolerated. Any kind of insulting, discriminatory or otherwise objectionable publication will result in immediate blocking of the account.

Be the first! Write a comment!
Similar sins
00000248I'm an employee of a wholesale company for construction materials. People receiving unemployment benefits always came in periodically and asked for stamps. [... mehr] © 2010-2014

Page copy protected against web site content infringement by Copyscape

Sinr at facebook Sinr Podcast Feed Sinr App for iPhone & iPod touch coming soon sinr at twitter using the content protection from plagaware.