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A Colossal Date (00000060)
2 comments
2.7/5 (122 Votes)
A few years ago, I was 24, I mostly chatted at work; since I'm self-employed, it's not a problem. One afternoon, it so happened I was chatting with a 20-year old, who described herself as blue-eyed, with blond hair down to her butt and very athletic. What really made me glad was she absolutely wanted to meet with me after work. So, I told her to come by the office at 6 pm, which she then did. The bell rang, I opened the door – it took forever and up the stairs slowly up the struggled, I'm not exaggerating, an enormous colossus, gasping "3rd floor, no elevator, thanks a lot." The rest of her, that's to say the hair, eyes and a perfectly pretty face, at least was as advertised. But athletic? Way off the mark. I was shocked and would have liked to have slammed the door shut. Wouldn't have worked, because my office is the only on the floor, and it has my firm's logo on it.

Well, ok, kind and stupid as well as cowardly as I was in those days, I thought, "Man, you can't tell the girl that she's totally fat and what she's hoping for will never happen." So I asked her if she'd like to go for coffee at the Café Forum on Gärtnerplatz in Munich (not far from my office). Knowing full well that a gay friend of mine worked there and because I resolved, to instantly turn gay, and that way would have no problem going out with girls, regardless of their looks. I'll never forget how bit by bit her face sank, because I transformed myself more and more, and told my gay buddy on the way to the toilet that I should be his ex from that moment on and that he was to rescue me, which he did in an absolutely credible manner. Anyway, I then invited her to a gay bar, to which she indicated, yes, sure, just for a beer, but that she was actually very tired already. To make a long story short:

She disappeared, I was relieved and never heard from her again. I confess hereby only that I was too cowardly and kind not to have told her to her face that it was a lot of cheek to lie to me like that and that I would never under normal circumstances have gotten together with her. And over 230 pounds and 5' 6" is not athletic! Even if all of China squeezes its eyes shut! I continue to be hetero but will turn gay in the blink an eye going forward should something like this happen to me again. And that works for me.

Posted on 08.09.2009, 03:25:38 CET
Place: Häberlstraße, 80337 Munich, Germany
Alzheimer Grandma (00000059)
1 comments
2.7/5 (99 Votes)
My grandma has Alzheimer's, and whenever I come home from work, I get sentenced to keeping her occupied. My mother has to get everything ready for dinner and doesn't have the time. Basically, I don't really have a problem with it, most of the time it's actually entertaining. But one thing I do hate: the photo book. I've had to look at it with her so often that some of the pages have begun to fall out. The problem is that my grandma no longer sees well and she also doesn't remember many of the relatives. When she realizes that she can't remember someone, she often gets sad. Just so she doesn't get into a funk, I always say, "Yes, that's it exactly," whatever name she says, and instantly then it's this cousin or that son. And on the next one, maybe it's someone completely different, however she identifies him. When she can't come up with anything for someone, I always say simply: "That was already pasted in there, when we bought the album. It's an advertising model." She still recalls that when you buy picture frames, they always come with happy people's pictures in them.
Tags: Lie Family 50+

Posted on 06.09.2009, 20:04:55 CET
Place: Wellandstraße 47, 73434 Aalen, Germany
Helping cup (00000046)
0 comments
2.8/5 (88 Votes)
I (w) was about 12 or 13 years old when I woke up one night because I really needed the loo. When I opened my bedroom door to go, I heard the moaning of my parents. They were having sex and their door wasn't completely shut. Since the bathroom is next to their bedroom, and I had to pass their bedroom going there, I hastily closed my door again. I almost cried, I really needed to go. Than it occurred to me: I still had this morning’s hot chocolate cup in my room with a little bit left in it. So I dropped my knickers and relieved myself into the cup. Unfortunately I did not only hit the cup, but also my fingers and the carpet. I emptied the cup out of the window, completely ignorant of the fact that we had a white wall and I should have used a bit more momentum throwing it out. My room also had a nasty smell, but I fixed that with disinfectant (loads of it). All that was left was a yellow-brownish stain on our exterior wall, but that disappeared with the next rain. I told my parents that throwing tetra-packs at each others wall was the latest trend among teenagers. Thank god they were never looking for the burst packs. Even today, 5 years later, I still cannot drink out of that cup anymore, and every time my parents have sex I get the chills.

Posted on 11.07.2009, 10:09:17 CET
Gay Chat (00000035)
1 comments
2.9/5 (122 Votes)
When I was really bored, I logged into a gay chat room, agreed on 2 dates anonymously and directed them to the house across the road. I could enjoy the show from my window. It was great fun seeing the 2 standing about and eventually starting to talk to each other.
Tags: Lie Dating

Posted on 03.06.2009, 17:56:05 CET


Raise for all (00000027)
0 comments
2.7/5 (132 Votes)
At the right moment I hi-jacked my bosses PC today and emailed all employees over our internal email system to advice them of a global raise of one cent.

Posted on 01.04.2009, 16:15:09 CET

42 Sins (Kategorie Lie).



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