I feel so sick with myself somewhat deep inside, and yet at the same time, I also feel that this is all right. For the sake of our identities and personal information, I will not give our actual names. My dearest friend, let's call her "Yuka (Yookah)" for now. She and I have been friends ever since Kindergarten, and have grown up as friends, going to the same school, calling each other, talking on the phone and going over each other's house up until one point in time, but I will tell you that later on. Yuka and I have both held a strong love for anime, role-playing, computers and games. I felt more strongly about anime and she felt stronger about games, though all was still the same. Yuka freaking loved animals then and she still does, as for me, I cared more for the humans for some reason.
At one point I had moved and yet we still kept calling and going over each others' houses. Now let me tell you, every time we went over each others' houses, we played games in the morning and role-played at night. Now, Yuka's mom is very religious and her dad is but not so much. Her dad is like the background of the religion while most of his time is spent on games and trying to survive life. As for mine, both my parents are religious but not to the point of shoving the bible down your throat with a side of the church and the soda of your choice of holy water. Yuka's mom and my grandmother are Jehovah's Witnesses, my dad is Christian and my mom is Muslim. Me and Yuka has been both neutral yet pulling away because we both feel as though the Bible gives you such a short answer while science gives the headache worth of info backed up and back up to it.
We both believed as we grew older that people should have the right to love whomever they desire, but not be not given basic human rights because of "The Leader's Religious". To me, saying someone's love choice is against your religion is like getting angry at someone for taking the last doughnut because you're on a diet. Though I am not here to preach LGBT, sorry about that, though that was just to show how Yuka and I feel about it. Yuka has always been funny, sweet, understanding, points certain views with reasonable statements, although she can be pushy, ignorant, rude, and so on. In my opinion, she is perfect. We have had fights when we were younger but we are not able to reason them out now that we are older.
Now that you understand our background story and how I got this way, now I can tell you the actual problem that arisen. Halfway in life we grow a strong love for each other, hugs to kisses, to actually getting heated with each other. We had sex in our role-play, this went on for like 2 or 3 years. Sadly, we got caught by Yuka's mom when I was over at her house. Not a moment after her mom half gathered herself, there was a talk. After I left, I never went over her house and she was never able to come over to mine. My parents know nothing of what happened, I suppose she never called them to tell them. They have yet to do some actual biblical things with her besides make her read a few things in a short version of the bible.
I just feel as though I am using her for sex, since we do a lot of homosexual role plays on the phone. Yuri, mostly Yaoi (If you never heard of it, research it) and they usually always turn 18 , and I type and write out fan fictions of Hetalia porn. I also usually masturbate and watch porn to go to sleep. I have no idea of my feelings for her because of her personality and how much we are alike, or just perhaps the fact I am too young to be horny.
Posted on 02.04.2013, 02:44:26 CET