A few years ago, I was 24, I mostly chatted at work; since I'm self-employed, it's not a problem. One afternoon, it so happened I was chatting with a 20-year old, who described herself as blue-eyed, with blond hair down to her butt and very athletic. What really made me glad was she absolutely wanted to meet with me after work. So, I told her to come by the office at 6 pm, which she then did. The bell rang, I opened the door – it took forever and up the stairs slowly up the struggled, I'm not exaggerating, an enormous colossus, gasping "3rd floor, no elevator, thanks a lot." The rest of her, that's to say the hair, eyes and a perfectly pretty face, at least was as advertised. But athletic? Way off the mark. I was shocked and would have liked to have slammed the door shut. Wouldn't have worked, because my office is the only on the floor, and it has my firm's logo on it.
Well, ok, kind and stupid as well as cowardly as I was in those days, I thought, "Man, you can't tell the girl that she's totally fat and what she's hoping for will never happen." So I asked her if she'd like to go for coffee at the Café Forum on Gärtnerplatz in Munich (not far from my office). Knowing full well that a gay friend of mine worked there and because I resolved, to instantly turn gay, and that way would have no problem going out with girls, regardless of their looks. I'll never forget how bit by bit her face sank, because I transformed myself more and more, and told my gay buddy on the way to the toilet that I should be his ex from that moment on and that he was to rescue me, which he did in an absolutely credible manner. Anyway, I then invited her to a gay bar, to which she indicated, yes, sure, just for a beer, but that she was actually very tired already. To make a long story short:
She disappeared, I was relieved and never heard from her again. I confess hereby only that I was too cowardly and kind not to have told her to her face that it was a lot of cheek to lie to me like that and that I would never under normal circumstances have gotten together with her. And over 230 pounds and 5' 6" is not athletic! Even if all of China squeezes its eyes shut! I continue to be hetero but will turn gay in the blink an eye going forward should something like this happen to me again. And that works for me.
Posted on 08.09.2009, 03:25:38 CET
Place: Häberlstraße, 80337 Munich, Germany