Once a while ago year ago, I had just gotten into James bond. I was blasting the theme from casino royal at high volume, feeling like a goddamn bad ass. I was ninja around the room, and suddenly had the urge to throw a ninja star like a bad ass ninja cool guy. So, I proceeded to grab my brothers drum cymbal and Frisbee tossed it across the room. It curved in the air, and flew right into my flat-screen, literally shattering it from the inside. I was shocked. I just stood there in the basement with Chris Cornell still screaming from my computer speakers. I yelled for my mom to come down stairs. She said, get fucked down here. I pointed to the TV and said "I did that". She saw the destroyed, mutilated pixels forming a big black lightning bolt on the TV. She was shocked too. She got angry and demanded how I did that. So I told her. She laughed so hard it was insane. I wound up, getting off Scott free. She went back upstairs still laughing her ass off while the theme song was still playing.
I also want to confess something: My first time was when I (w, 20) was 14 and my boyfriend at the time was about 16. It was also his first. Now my boyfriend naturally wanted to try every position and way that he had heard of. So it came about that my boyfriend deflowered me in the same week that he persuaded me to have sex on a desk. On top of that, he had a glass door in his room, so we only had a curtain to hide behind. The desk was directly opposite this glass door. So it was: curtain down, me on the desk and away we went. Only unfortunately there was a lamp directly behind me which created an enormous "shadow puppet play" on the curtain. However we didn't realize until later, when my boyfriend's mother drove me home and told us that she had noticed a real shadow show in my boyfriend's room.
She had even called her husband over to see the shadow play, since she alone couldn't work out what we were playing at. She said that her husband just laughed and said he didn't know what was going on either. Therefore she wanted to know now what had happened in his room. We both went as white as a sheet and looked at each other mortified. Unfortunately she noticed our apparent exchange of glances and aghast, she stuttered something about how the desk only had one leg and she didn't know how much it would hold and it was better to leave the whole thing alone. Thank God we had already arrived at mine and I hastily fled the car. So I would like to confess that because of our carelessness his parents were unexpectedly confronted with our sexuality and I am ridiculously ashamed of myself even now whenever I look back.
About eight years ago an external consulting firm came into our company and examined everything. Like all other business consultancies they came to the conclusion that staff numbers should be cut. Consequently the older employees in particular were under pressure to leave the company with a financial settlement. I was 58 at the time and was therefore also under pressure. But I was stubborn and so I was put under more and more pressure by my managers in the form of appraisal interviews. Since I was still being obstinate, they finally tried the last means of pressure: they put me in the so-called death chamber. That was a small office, equipped with a desk, an office chair, a computer and a telephone. Officially my field of work was outstanding expenses. However, I had no tasks at all, was not invited to meanings, I was completely cut out of any flow of information. All the colleagues that this had happened to ended up on their knees after 3 months at the latest and begged for premature retirement, because they couldn't put up with the torture of isolation.
At first I managed it by spending several hours of the day playing chess on the internet. Then I opened an account for online poker. I would spend the whole day there, from morning till evening, with a short break for lunch. The day would fly by. At the beginning I kept making losses, but I learnt from it and gradually started winning, and after three months I would make on average 300-400 Euros worth of winnings. Every day I went to my "workplace" gladly and often even did overtime. I didn't tell anyone about my poker playing. My managers were confused. One of them was punished for not freezing me out. My colleagues were either annoyed about me, the lazy sod who earned a fat pay check for doing nothing, or they laughed themselves silly at me. So I carried on, until I went into retirement at the normal age of 63. Then I stopped playing poker; I'd had enough. I confess that I damaged my firm because of my stubbornness and that I inflicted losses on other poker players due to my winnings. Perhaps I should have left earlier?
At the age of six, I started school and entered the first grade. My brother was already in sixth grade and my mother forced him to take me along so I didn't have to go alone. So I always went with him and his friends to school, but at a certain appropriate distance from them. I often didn't understand what the boys talked about, until one time I heard a few snippets of conversation about a toy. It came in many different colors and you could play great games with it. In my childish innocence, I assumed they were talking about Gameboys. So I spoke up and interrupted the conversation, "Yeah, my brother and I both have one. Mine is pink and his is clear and we play with them together all day!" Everyone burst out laughing, while my brother blushed red, glared at me, and swore. I didn't find out until much later that the conversation was about dildos and vibrators. I'm sorry that my brother was bullied and teased the rest of the year about that.