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What’s my name? (00000179)
2.9/5 (147 Votes)
I work as a waiter in a restaurant and in order to keep track of who ordered what and has to pay at large tables (8 to 20 people), I write everything on a separate piece of paper for each guest. And since I don’t know their names, I always come up with names like blockhead, horse face, Gucci slut, bar slut, and more.

Posted on 04.11.2012, 23:27:18 CET
Battle Cry (00000163)
2.9/5 (103 Votes)
I (f) made complete fools of my family and relatives this weekend. We were in a Chinese restaurant, the whole clan, and the majority of the almost 20 people, myself included, had no desire to be at this mandatory event. A birthday dinner means coming together with people you only see at Christmas and have nothing to do with the rest of the year and who you also can't really stand. My cousin came up with the "penis game" last year. The rules are very simple: Someone softly says "penis" preferably in an inappropriate setting like this stuffy family dinner in a fine restaurant. Then it’s the next person’s turn, and they have to speak a little louder. If you don't dare to do it, you're out, and the winner is the one with the loudest "penis" battle cry. I'm quiet and shy and have always thrown in the towel fairly quickly. Over the last few years, the game has always been very tame and decorous and neither staff nor other guests have noticed. Since I am currently enjoying my well-deserved vacation and was in a very good mood on the weekend despite the family meal, I didn’t just say "penis" but rather screamed "PEEEENIS!" In other words, the whole restaurant heard it. My mother dropped the duck off of her fork and my grandmother almost choked on her mineral water. I'm sorry for embarrassing them, but I definitely won the game for that.

Posted on 19.10.2012, 19:12:54 CET
Ketchup bottle (00000052)
2.8/5 (133 Votes)
The hotel on last weeks holiday in L.A. serves it's guests their dinner on walking buffet. Unfortunately, only one bottle of ketchup is available for all the tables. There is always a long line. Typically, when it was my turn to use the ketchup, the bottle was empty and I had to open a new one. It was one of those bottles where you have to remove a security film before the ketchup squirts out through the opening. While I'm busy opening the bottle I overhear the guy behind me saying to his girlfriend: "That idiot should hurry up, it takes so long, unbearable." He probably never thought of the fact that I could be from Germany too. Once started, he kept going making nasty remarks; eventually he started giving out about my beard. I maintain a 3 days beard which I treasure highly. This was topping it, I almost lost it and really wanted to kick his ass. With effort, I could control myself; I really did not want any trouble with the police in the United States.

So, after having opened the bottle successfully, I directed the opening sneakily into his direction and hit the bottle as hard as I could. Most of the ketchup contained in the bottle splashed over him, from head down to his belt. He looked like he saw cows climbing trees and I really had to refrain from laughing, saying: " Oops, this idiot should have paid more attention". At this point his girlfriend started laughing really hard and I walked away. I felt a bit sorry having lost control after all and descending down to his level, but I did enjoy the action.

Posted on 29.07.2009, 16:41:42 CET
Place: Los Angeles, CA

3 Sins (Kategorie Restaurant).

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