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Shopping with my wife (00000016)
3.3/5 (408 Votes)
When my wife and myself went to bed last week we started to touch each other under the blankets, kissing and hugging. I was getting really horny and thought she was feeling the same as this was clearly sexually tinted. In that same moment she says to me: I'm not interested in making love, all I want is for you to hold me. "What?" was my immediate response. Of course she had to sue the magic words: "You just don't understand the emotional needs of a woman." I gave in and no sex was to be had that night. The next day, my wife and I went window-shopping in the city center. She tried 3 very pretty and very expensive dresses in one of the local shops. When she couldn't decide, I told her to take all 3. She looked at me like she was seeing cows fly, but, motivated by my understanding words she stated she would than also need a pair of new shoes, which unfortunately would cost around 200 Euro. "No problem, of course" was my response. When we passed by the jewelers department she went in and came back with a gold and diamond bracelet. You guys should have seen her. She was deliriously happy. She probably thought I was off my chuck, but she didn't care. I must have ruined her whole psychological understanding of the male when I said yes again. She was almost sexually aroused at this stage. With her prettiest smile she said: "Let's go to the check out." I had real trouble not to laugh when I said to her: "Sorry Honey, but I think I have changed my mind, I don't want to buy all this stuff after all. She turned pale at this, and even another shade paler when I added: "All I want right now is being hugged." When she was almost exploding with rage and hatred I added, as the final strike: "You really don't understand the financial needs of a man, don't you?"

Posted on 14.07.2007, 05:39:57 CET
Cold Cuts (00000357)
2.1/5 (9 Votes)
I work the night shift at my job, and it just so happens that I don't like any of my coworkers. Since we work 24 hours a day there is a refrigerator in our office. Every day people come in and complain that the stuff they leave in the refrigerator comes up missing. Never a lot at once. Just small stuff like one bottles of water or a single piece of fruit. I often let them know who I think is behind it and tell them why I think that person is the culprit. The truth is I lied. It's me. I never eat anything. I just take it to a different office and throw it away. That's my way of punishing everyone in the office for being such assholes.

Posted on 08.04.2013, 14:48:28 CET
Bedding the Singer (00000087)
2.6/5 (71 Votes)
The time has come to unload something unbelievably embarrassing. I'm in the music business and have my own little sound studio at home where I record bands from time to time. Last year, I had an all-girl, alternative rock band in. The lead singer is genuinely good-looking: nineteen years old at the time, perfect legs and hips, juicy butt, delicious little breasts, an absolute feast for the eyes. Understandably, I start hitting on her. At some point, she accepted my offer to go out for dinner. So I take her to a nice place. After our opulent meal, I don't feel so good, but don't let on. Naturally, she comes up to my place for "a coffee". Luckily, I had pulled out the satin bed sheets and laboriously made the bed again with them. We never get to the coffee, we start making out as soon as we shut the door behind us. I'm still a little bit nauseous, but it's manageable and no reason to "blow retreat". Anyway, we're both naked and start to make love. Great stuff, though she might have shaved her bikini zone a little better, but then she has other qualities. Finally, she turns over because she wants it doggy-style; in the moment when she offers me her pretty behind, I get a nose full of really disgusting fecal odor. I heave, but keep it under control, at least until I see that there, stuck on her backdoor among the hairs, are fartleberries from her last toilet run. Oh yeah, that is where I lost it. I throw up all over her back and my freshly-made bed. What went down after that you can imagine. The very next day the band changed studios. I shouldn't have told my best friend this little anecdote, because he's such a gossip, but unfortunately I did. In the meantime, it has spread through the music scene all over town. This incredibly stupid joke is making the rounds that my recordings are enough to make you vomit. But since my studio since then has become busier than ever, I've had the last laugh.

Posted on 14.10.2009, 20:37:06 CET
Computer genius (00000003)
2.9/5 (62 Votes)
I have set up a screenshot of the with all symbols as desktop background on the PC of a mate of mine. After that, I hid all the symbols, moved the taskbar to the top of the screen and hid it as well. After hours of him trying to work it out and failing and I was unfortunately neither in any position to help him, he had to re-install.

Posted on 22.12.2006, 10:41:59 CET

Williy Wanker (00000412)
2.9/5 (27 Votes)
Last week I arranged so that I was intentionally "caught" masturbating by two of my female friends. All three of us were at my place and then they said they would go to the shop and buy some beer and they said I could stay at home and relax. From my window I could see the road to the shop and I started to watch porno movies and masturbate, then I noticed that they were on the way back. What I first thought was that I would stop but decided to keep on going. I pulled my pants down to my ankles and sat sideways to the front door which means I could see the door in the corner of my eye when I looked at the computer. As I heard them in the hallway outside I was already rock hard and close to an orgasm but I kept going. I put on headphones so I could use that as an excuse for not hearing them. I was watching a lesbian movie where one girl was licking the other one intensely which was a huge turn on. Just then I noticed the door open but I didn't turn away from the movie and didn't pretend I noticed them at all, but I saw them both standing there watching me. They could easily see my cock because I was naked from the waist down and I was masturbating with my right arm which was away from them, so they had a nice clear view of my package. They probably thought I wasn't aware of them so they felt safe to stand there watching me for a moment. And after a few seconds i came hard. My whole body was stiff, with my back arched and my cum was shooting in several streaks. After my orgasm I turned and saw them both watching me, they giggled and I pretended to be embarrassed and giggled too, and I said "I didn't realize you would be back so soon". "Yeah right" said N with a smirk. I had a shower and after that everything was cool. They didn't seem to mind. Yesterday I was at one of the girl's place and she had just had a bath and wore jogging trousers and a baggy top with a serious U-neck, and while I was sitting in her room she was picking clothes and stuff up from the floor and every time she bended over I could see down her top, and sghe wasn't wearing a bra on, that I got a good view of her beautiful tits with the nipples and all. She kept doing that, I had difficulties focusing on her face when she turned to look at me. It was extremely exciting and I had to go to the bathroom to wank, and then I found her used panties there so I had a nice wank while sniffing them. She just drives me crazy! The other girl is also sexy but I'm not as interested in her.

Posted on 04.05.2013, 14:54:12 CET

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