Okay so, I'm a Christian.
I don't go to church every Sunday, or whenever there are holy occasions. I don't pray when I wake up, before I eat, or even before I sleep. I only know a few prayers credits to my classmates who are religious. These things that I do, are the worst ever.
I was born in a family that doesn't really appreciate accepting the existence of God, or simply the Church. I could definitely say that we are evil. Probably accomplices of evil. I could also definitely say that we are a broken family. It's hard for me to express my feelings and love to my family. It's hard to communicate with them. It's hard to greet my family on their birthdays, or in family occasions, or Mother's Day, Father's Day, or whatsoever. It's hard to tell them what I did at school, even when they ask. I just say "Just cool." and then nod. Deep down, I've got a lot of things to say it's just that I have the deepest secret that I must not tell, but I am going to tell it now, because of the fact that this is an anonymus post of which I will be taking advantage of.
I am a transgender. I am born female, but I'm male. Honestly, this is not a psychological problem, this is biologically speaking. I know I've been male since I was young.
My Father told me a story that when I was young, I indirectly told him that I was a boy. Around 5 - 6 years young, I was getting ready for school. Dad prepared by uniform, and told me to wear it, which was paired with a skirt. I told him I'd look gay if I wore it, because I'm a boy.
I guess it all sparked whenever my Dad told me I was a boy, and that I have to take care of the family whenever he'd go to work Pretty blunt Dad huh? I think he could definitely sense this manliness in me that I'm trying to hide. Honestly it makes me happy whenever he teases me, "You're a boy, why are you wearing those clothes?". I'd reply back "What the heck are you talking about Dad?! I'm a girl!". The latter really is a lie.
By the way, I've got an older sister, and it's only the two of us so yeah. I bet he's really in a need of a boy in the family... Asian stuff kind of thinking I'm 16, and my sister will be 18 soon.
Until now, I've been wearing "not so" girly clothes. Just normal I guess? I'm thinking of finishing college, and just travel the world, which was basically leaving the house, and probably won't be back until I've "changed" myself into the person that I'm supposed to be.
Yes Sister, Dad, Mom, Grannys, Grandpas, Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, Friends, Classmates, Schoolmates, Neighbors, Passbyers, People all over the world, Angels, Saints and God, I have greatly sinned.
Posted on 12.05.2013, 20:48:07 CET