During a stroll through my forest, I came across a mole, sitting disorientated along the path. The surrounding ground did not look like he could dig into there easily. Feeling sorry for him, I brought him along and re-homed him to a nice lush ground where he started digging and disappeared swiftly. Where the place was? My neighbor's garden.
Four week ago my iP*d Touch fell into the water. All new instruments have water indicators that register water damage and thereby the voiding of the guarantee. Said instrument's indicator was red, of course, ergo, guarantee voided. I thought about it a bit and had a genial idea. I went to the discount store and bought myself a bottle of chlorine bleach. For a couple of days, with a soaked toothpick I nicely painted the water indicator (in this instrument it's conveniently mounted in the headset port). What can I say, indicator white, instrument sent in, new instrument received. I don't feel bad about it, that Cupertino company's profit margins are too high anyway, besides now I can always beautifully bleach my whites.
I work in a large company with about 120 employees and the company provides us with free drinks. These are in bottles with a 25 cent return deposit. At some point I noticed that the bottles are not returned and are just thrown into big garbage cans. So now every few nights I go to these containers and stuff 3-4 blue bags full of these bottles. It's a nice secondary income and I bring in an extra 200 Euros a month just because everyone is too lazy to return the bottles. It rightfully belongs to me.
I (f/31) need a gift to live out a story I have written and to write another one. I need to live out a dream of love God. I am lonely and I got to live. I have to. I need the ambience. The color and movement.
The hotel on last weeks holiday in L.A. serves it's guests their dinner on walking buffet.
Unfortunately, only one bottle of ketchup is available for all the tables. There is always a long line. Typically, when it was my turn to use the ketchup, the bottle was empty and I had to open a new one. It was one of those bottles where you have to remove a security film before the ketchup squirts out through the opening. While I'm busy opening the bottle I overhear the guy behind me saying to his girlfriend: "That idiot should hurry up, it takes so long, unbearable." He probably never thought of the fact that I could be from Germany too. Once started, he kept going making nasty remarks; eventually he started giving out about my beard. I maintain a 3 days beard which I treasure highly.
This was topping it, I almost lost it and really wanted to kick his ass. With effort, I could control myself; I really did not want any trouble with the police in the United States.
So, after having opened the bottle successfully, I directed the opening sneakily into his direction and hit the bottle as hard as I could. Most of the ketchup contained in the bottle splashed over him, from head down to his belt. He looked like he saw cows climbing trees and I really had to refrain from laughing, saying: " Oops, this idiot should have paid more attention". At this point his girlfriend started laughing really hard and I walked away. I felt a bit sorry having lost control after all and descending down to his level, but I did enjoy the action.
Two weeks ago, I was at the hardware store with my 4 year old son because it's is his favorite place. He curiously demands me to explain exactly what everything is. Right in the middle of our trip, he had to go to the restroom. I asked for the key at Information and went with him to the restroom. Pants down, pee pee in the toilet bowl. As we pulled his pants up, it clattered: one of his toy cars fell in the toilet bowl. He noticed it and demanded that I get the car back out from the toilet. I had no desire to do this because the bowl along with the drain pipe was totally filthy, brown stripes, etc. So I quickly pulled him away and told him that everything was flushed away and gone. He howled like a siren, and the employee from Information came running because she thought an accident had happened. After I explained what happened, she said, "No problem" rolled her sleeve up, held the drain pipe, and then stuck her arm in up to the armpit. She fiddled around for a while, looked up at me, began to whoop, and then said beaming "I've got it" I thanked her profusely, washed my hands and the toy car at the sink, and then made room for her. However, she only shook her arm a few times to get the liquid off, rolled her sleeve back down, and went back to reception. I'd like to apologize to all the customers that shook her hand afterwards.
A few weeks ago on Saturday, I (m/26) drank one too many. When I came home at 7 in the morning, I just wanted to go to bed, but my business partner/good friend called me and said that on Saturday he agreed to an expansion on an (apparently) finished order for a customer. That meant that I had to go to the office again and update the order because it's for one hell of an important customer. I called two of our best coworkers and begged them to write the offer, but no one wanted to do it. That meant that I really did have to "creep" into the office. In the building where our business offices are, we rented two floors. One floor we share with another company, and that's where my office is. When I got there, I thought I was alone on the floor. So I cursed out the customer with my office door open and I did not watch my language at all. Then at some point I felt like I was going to be sick, and on the way to the bathroom, my office door to be exact, everything came up. The whole hallway was full of puke. I thought to myself that I'd let it be for a second because the customer was more important. So I went to my office again and worked some more, but then the feeling came over me again, and I puked at my office door again. At some point I realized that I could work better lying down, so I took my laptop and lay on the floor and kept writing. Then, the whole other company that's also on my floor came out of the presentation room that's directly across from my office. They had an office party or something, but in any case, most of them are women (marketing company). They saw the whole mess and that I had thought I was alone because my door was wide open. Hallway full of puke, my whole folder open on the floor, me lying on the floor in my undershirt working on my laptop. It must really have been a sexy sight. Sorry girls.
Okay, so I stole a candy from a kid just to see if it was really that easy. What I actually did was, I went up to my sister's friend's room, and started talking to them so, I just took one of their bags then ran away.
It was that easy, and the best part was I didn't get caught, now I can mark that experience off my growing up list.
One day my mom made me mad because she wouldn't leave me alone. So I picked up a knife, and slit her throat. She didn't die, and immodestly so I repeatedly stabbed her in the heart. I soon chopped her to pieces and fed her for Thanksgiving dinner. I buried her remains underground.
Since my hamster Jimmy leaves me sleepless every single night, I am going to kill it. It has a large home, a large place to run, tons of stuff for chewing and playing but still its very noisy and riots the cage when I want to sleep. Nobody wants to take it, the shelter is too far away, so it must die. The Internet knows lots of ways to kill them. Its swimming in cold water for a few minutes every day now, since three days, then drying by the open window in the cold air, so that he will catch a flu or something and dies. If this isn't working, he will drown when my family isn't home. Then I'll blow the body dry and put it back to the cage. Nobody will know it has been murder. I am sorry for the cruelty the insomnia wakes in me.
I (m/23) am completely fed up! For the last eight months, other than sleeping, shitting, and showering, I haven't had even a second to myself. People always want my time, my girlfriend here, work there. On the weekend my dear friends bug me and naturally my family can't come last either. I hate it! I'm always being bothered! So I really want just a little time to myself. The problem is, I'm a good-natured guy, and I have a hard time saying no. No's are not expected from me anymore. This is exactly my problem. But now I'm giving myself a two week break. Yesterday I made it clear to my girlfriend that I need some time away from her. She was devastated, but it didn't really bother me because no one is going to stop me from doing this. No one! I'm going to go to the doctor and get a sick note for two weeks. Then I'm going to my employer to submit a vacation notice. After that, I'm going to stock up on food, drive home, turn off both cell phones and disconnect the house phone. I'm going to isolate myself for two weeks from all the people who are a pain in my ass every day. I'm going to gamble until the doctor comes, watch films and anime, and constantly overeat. I'm going to whack off to really screwed up porn films and simply vegetate and enjoy life. It's going to be fun. And I'm not going to tell anyone the reason for my sudden "disappearance". They can think what they want. I don't give a crap. I'm really in a wonderful "screw it all" mood right now. Thanks for reading.
Recently I got out of prison for unpaid fines. I live in Mexico, but I'm from New York. While I was in the Mexican prison, someone looked me in the eye and said "Jesus loves you". I replied "I love Jesus, too". A few hours later it was shower time, and I was scared to say at the least. A large Mexican man standing at about 6.5ft tall approached me and said "I love you". I didn't want to anger the man, but telling another man I loved him was a sin, so I said "I love you, Jesus". The man grabbed my by the hair and pushed my head onto the shower floor. He pushed his body against mine, and I could feel his pulsing erection against my backside. Slowly, but painfully he inserted his penis into me. It was the most painful experience of my life. Once he was done, semen dripped from my backside. He looked into my eyes and smiled. When we were back in our cells, my cell mate turned to me and laughed. I was still in tears from the experience. That's when he told me the man I had encountered in the showers was named Jesus Rivera. Was it my fault that this happened? I still feel bad about having sex with a man, even if it wasn't by choice.
I (f) live in a small town with a maximum of 200 people, half of which are crazy. On the outside they look happy and peaceful while they secretly fight each other. In the middle of summer back when I was a toddler, my brother and I would run through our village stark naked in the heat to visit our friends in a wading pool. My parents received a letter with signatures from a lot of village members that our behavior was shameful for our village and that it would drag its reputation through the mud if we kept at it. I'm 18 years old now and the author of the letter who argued for the good name of the village has since been put in the loony bin after he went on a rampage at his home so bad that the SWAT team had to storm the house. The community wanted to keep the incident a secret , guess who isn't and who is gossiping at school out of revenge.
I have to make a super-embarrassing confession here. One morning, my girlfriend and I wake up in bed in her parents' apartment. After a quick trip into the kitchen for water, she ventures: "Looks like both my parents are at work, what do you say let's do it?" Of course, we left the bedroom door open and really started banging away. It bears mentioning in this regard that my girlfriend can get pretty loud when we get physical in which I join her with rank abandon. After a while (we of course had tuned out everything as we went at it) we suddenly hear clearly quite a bit of noise being made in the kitchen. We both stifled it and lay there quiet as church mice, since someone apparently was home after all! It should be added that in the apartment you can see when someone goes from the living room through the hall into the kitchen and of course, vice versa! After lying still for ten minutes, I suddenly see out of the corner of my eye as my girlfriend's father tries to tiptoe unnoticed into the living room. The poor man had to listen for a good, long time, which must have seemed like an eternity to him, to me taking care of his daughter. The whole thing was so embarrassing that I couldn't look him straight in the eyes for a couple of weeks, and neither could he.
I love my girlfriend but not enough I suppose. Yesterday, I played with another woman's breast who I don't even like.
Then later that night I dreamed about the woman and me f*. I can't remember the last time time I dreamed about f* my girlfriend. So I guess I don't really like her. Yet I can't bring myself to break up with her.