Quite some time ago , I was in a real rush, but had to go to the tanning shop. In some of the shops the tanning bed is standing in the window display and you have to close a curtain before using it. I stripped and lay down. After a few minutes I started jerking off. Relaxed and came. Pretty much simultaneously my tanning time was over and I opened the cover. I only noticed than what had happened. A gang of thugs was gathered in front of the window and whistled, laughed and screamed. I have never in my life felt so embarrassed. I got dressed quickly and left in a rush. The men screamed, shouted and took picture of me leaving.
When I was still a bit younger, about 14 or 15, I always used to go on vacation in the mountains with my parents. And just how it is at the height of puberty, off and on you get the urge to masturbate. Because I didn't want to wait until evening and my bed, I got an idea. We had been on an excursion up a mountain and were heading down in 4-person gondolas. My parents together took one gondola. Because not much was going on that day, they let me sit by myself in the gondola behind theirs. And that's where I acted on my pubertal urges. When the downhill journey started, I opened my pants, pulled out my little friend and started to masturbate. No one was sitting in the gondola behind me, from their gondola my parents couldn't see into mine and when somebody was going up on the opposite side, I just sat there in my seat like a well-behaved little boy. As soon as no one was around any more, I proceeded with my hand job. That's how it went for the whole trip. Shortly before exiting at the bottom station, I sprayed my semen all over the gondola's floor and closed my pants up proper.
Now, on exiting, you get assistance from a worker, whose job it is to hold the gondolas steady or as it were to open the doors. As I got out, he grinned at me, as if barely stifling his laughter. What, is he retarded? I thought. No, the idiot was me. Mounted on the wall were several screens that showed live video from surveillance cameras. Unfortunately, I hadn't noticed them during the trip. As a result, the worker could observe my entire hand job procedure, climaxing with the ejaculation. That was so embarrassing. Even if not a soul knew me there, I could have sunk into the ground with shame. Puberty sucks!
Never again from behind. Here I want to first of all thank Peter, my buddy of many years, who has saved me from all sorts of bad situations. Shall I tell the tale? Well, sometime ago I had a girlfriend here in Bottrop (Germany), the good Vivianne. Well, yeah...the way things are, from time to time we wanted to do a little fucky-fucky. One thing I can say about myself that I'm one of the wilder ones. I'm not much into cuddly sex, where you blow sweet words into one another's ears. Nah, I'm more the type that pushes the girl's leg up behind her head, then puts on his sunglasses and puts the pedal to the metal until her eyes cross and she starts speaking Russian. As I was saying, we went at it pretty wild. Then came the change of position - now I was behind. I got wilder and wilder, it was very slippery. Some of the sounds coming from the good lady were pretty funny. Well, yes, I pressed on, always faster, always wilder. Then the accident happened: under the spell of my sexual exertions, I slipped out of her vagina and banged with the same amount of force and under the same expectation for moist happiness straight into the poor woman's rectum. I heard the lady's short, loud grunting, when I realized that my whole foreskin had been ripped away. I held old Johnson really tight, blood was spurting all over. I ran to the bathroom, wiped the blood off, but it kept coming. The whole foreskin was suspended from a single small string of flesh. I got dizzy - what to do? Peter! I rang the good Peter out of bed. PETER? PLEASE COME OVER FAST, MY COCK HAS EXPLODED!
Fifteen minutes later Mr. Good was at the door to drive me to Marien Hospital. The emergency room already was full of people with various other ailments. My noodle hurt so bad that I had to walk with my legs spread apart. Everyone looked at me baffled. Peter held me up. I rang the bell at the reception desk until the nurse appeared. GOOD EVENING, WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU? AHH...I'VE GOT AN OUCH THERE. WHERE? WELL, DOWN THERE. WHERE, ON YOUR LEG? Man, I can't explain what happened, the other patients are already looking funny. I BROKE MY TOOL!!!!! The nurse called straightaway to the Urology Department. Over into the elevator...right into the examination room. Three doctors took a look Mr. Jack Hammer. Oh, how did that happen? Then I had to tell the whole story. Peter was waiting outside. They thought for sure we were a couple of fairies who had just fucked. Man, was I ashamed. First, they cleaned my noodle. The doc said: SO, YOUNG FELLA, IT'S GOING TO BURN A LITTLE. AAAHHHHHHHH!!! Ow...it really did burn. I wanted to die. I asked for a full-body anesthesia...but the doc nixed my pleas for mercy. He said...YOU'VE ALREADY LOST TOO MUCH BLOOD, AN ARTERY IS TORN, EVERYTHING HAS TO BE DONE WITHOUT ANESTHESIA. What artery? My Jack Hammer has an artery? Oh, that's why the saying goes, “you think with your dick.” Others have an artery in the head, I have one in the dick. Oh, well. WHAAAAAAAAAAT? No anesthesia? What's going to have to be done? WE HAVE TO STITCH UP THE ARTERY...THEN WE'LL MOVE THE FORESKIN BACK WHERE IT BELONGS. OR DO YOU WANT US TO JUST CIRCUMCISE YOU? Help...here one just wants to make his girlfriend happy and an hour later he's almost a half-Muslim with a sliced-off foreskin. Meanwhile, the room had filled with 8 people. Some nurses suddenly stood around me, they were all amused. I lifted my fingers in the V-for-Victory sign and said: WELL, GIRLS... EVERY-THING OK WITH YOU? Not true...I didn't say anything. I was ashamed. For a long time nothing happened...I just lay there on the stretcher like an idiot, while those present talked about some kind of shit. Suddenly the door opened. The chief cock doctor had arrived. After a short head bob from the good man the whole crew came over to me and suddenly held me down. Each of them had a hold of some piece of me. One of them actually propped himself up with the of his hand on my head. HEY, WHAT'S HAPPENING? A green cloth was wrapped around my abdomen, it had a hole in the middle that my noodle peeked out from. No trace of manly power...plain and simply, a shriveled wreck looked out from the green cloth. But why are they all holding me down? Then I suddenly saw the NEEDLE. Oh, God...please, no, needles freak me out. The doc took the little, bleeding sausage in hand and positioned the needle for the stitch. AAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!! The first stitch went fully into the lower part of the glans. He sowed my artery together. In total he needed 6 stitches. I had really severe pain. I damned all of womanhood. Never again will I fuck, I yelled, over and over again. So, artery sealed tight again. Now it was the foreskin's turn. Constantly, as I write this, I hold my pipi tight, as the recollection of this drama is still very intense. I will not forget each and every one of those stitches. How the thread would get pulled through the lower part of the glans. Again and again. Again and again. Anybody who gets horny over this should probably check in with a doctor or a self-help group, just mentioning that in passing. Well, at some point the doctor then said, FINISHED. I got a neat wound around my wang and then the doc gave me a few packets of chamomile wash, that I was to use three times daily. Then I left the treatment room, found Peter still waiting by the door. I greeted him with a cool “AWW, THEY JUST TOOK A LOOK - WASN'T BAD, DUDE.”
Thanks to the Urology department of the Marien Hospital Bottrop. you were a blast – for my blaster. The day's crowning moment came as follows: I was at home, letting water run into a bowl into which I was supposed put the chamomile potion. Numbskull that I am, I naturally forgot to test the temperature with my finger. Bang, noodle freed of the bandage and bang, laid it into the boiling soup. AAAAAHHH!!! The poor noodle got crazy red and looked like it was ready to fall off. My face was nothing but pure pain. As I then somehow was lying in bed, it pulsated something mighty down there...I was really glad then that at some point I did fall asleep. Oh, yeah, good Vivianne experienced considerable pain in the rectum and swore at me, calling me an inconsiderate screwer who couldn't control himself. Well, I did excuse myself. That was 3 years ago. Now I just have cuddly sex and breathe sweet words into girls' ears. And I hope it's clear to everyone why ass out of the question is for me.
I (m/27) am working for several years at the customs office in Northern Germany. We regularly search busses and trucks at border crossing in this area. Mainly at the Dutch border. A few weeks ago, something happened to me that I just canâ€â„¢t keep quiet.
A big touring bus, as you know them from school trip loaded with German students on their final trip came across the border from Venlo. A higher ranking officer called them off the road and we started searching the bus. We didn't find anything, but the Sniffer dogs were quite nervous. So we had to search all the 50 students. Since we were only with 5 people, we had to place them in rows of 10. I started at an outer end of the line but didnâ€â„¢t find anything at first. After a few students, I hit the jackpot: 5 grams of hash in a back pack. The boy, barely 18 years old started shaking and staring at my colleagues. I thought I wasn't watched (my colleagues were all busy searching their designated backpacks) so I said to him: "I'll keep it, and weâ€â„¢ll forget this ever happened."
He nodded in relief and his eyes almost glazed over. A short while later the students were told to board the bus and traveled on.
My girlfriend left me because I went to bed with another. No need to go into detail, what a bad person I am and so on, except maybe to mention that she cheated on me several times before, too. Over the years, we always had our little tiffs, but we managed to patch it all up, time and again. Except this time. My car is parked in an underground garage with only card access. My newly ex-girlfriend is kind of crazy, so I am guessing it was she who trashed my car with some sort of object, most likely a baseball bat. I'll probably wind up having to eat the damage, though I reported her to the police; but they weren't terribly interested and couldn't find any proof. For a while they even suspected me as the perpetrator. And the comprehensive insurance policy is not paying up for the same reason. A whole week I pondered how I could pay my ex back and I came up with some really dumb ideas. Most of them, unfortunately, were illegal and dangerous. Faced with the choice, I decided I'd best do something that, while illegal, wasn't dangerous and funny to boot.
I rode to the home improvement center (by bus) and bought a ton of superglue. Taking it with me yesterday evening, I rode to her new apartment, kind of broke in, which was easy enough given that she never locks up, and I glued all her shoes to the floor of her shoe closet. Then on to all the cups in the back of the cupboard, the blanket on her bed, a kitchen chair to the floor, a half-eaten steak to the plate it was left on and the plate in turn to the kitchen table. I glued her old glasses into the glass case, the portable heater to the bathroom floor, all her cosmetic articles to one another; and the bathroom mat to the floor, so that she wouldn't slip when she jumps out of the shower enraged because the hand-held shower head is stuck to its holder. The toilet cover to the toilet seat, the telephone receiver to the cradle.I actually was going to glue her acoustic guitar in its case, but then took pity on the instrument. Her best friend just called to ask me if I had anything loose in my attic. I had a pretty good laugh at that.
I am quite ugly and people generally don't like me. Against all odds, one night I had the chance to get hot and steamy with a hot lady. Totally drunk, she still insisted on using a condom. Of course I didn't have one. But, being resourceful, I reached for my paper tissues all tissues out, plastic over Willy, cello tape around plastic 3 times and off we went... felt like MacGyver!
I (w/27) wear skirts during summer. Sometimes, when it's too hot for me, I won't wear panties. I tie a little Lindt Easter bunny bell to my clitoris piercing. It tinkles quite nicely and people tend to wonder where the sound comes from.
This morning I rediscovered my old toy train set in the attic and must now confess that I spent the last 4 hours on building a terrific, complicated track set up rather than study for the upcoming final exams.
A couple of days ago, I went to the iPhone-dictator, that is to say, my local T-M*bile shop, to complain about my iPhone, which had lasted all of eight months. After I had explained over and over that I would need the iPhone as soon as possible, because I'm always on the road working and depended on my e-mail, they tried to placate me with "your iPhone will be ready in two weeks" and send me home. Politely but firmly I gave them to understand that I don't pay 89€ a month to have to make do without my phone for 2 weeks and that therefore I was not leaving without a loaner. After a few feeble evasions they finally gave me a Nokia that had previously been a display model. Apparently, the service person who was waiting on me had used the cell phone herself for a time as a work phone, as she had to "reset it and erase the memory card." Said lady was really snotty, which definitely rubbed me the wrong way. I was glad to get away eventually, never mind the usual lousy service and my iPhone gone forever. Once back home, though, the impression I had did improve: it was real easy to restore the 256MB memory card and the pictures and video on the card were thoroughly entertaining: the salesperson who, although not a raving beauty but for all that well-equipped, apparently had used the phone almost exclusively for producing private porn. Seeing 6 golf balls squeezed out of a body opening, by the way, I did find fairly impressive. Ever since, I'm happily waiting for the day when I can pick up my iPhone again. I will then ask said lady, if she still enjoys playing golf. Just one more week.
I (w/23) share a house with 2 guys. One of them owns an espresso machine, and he makes himself this delicious coffee. I find this poser machine to expensive and use the normal, cheap coffee maker. A while ago I noticed that one of them always uses my coffee when he has visitors. Looked like he was too greedy to use his own expensive coffee. I don't mind if it happens once, but it happens all the time. Fed up with it, I grounded a laxative and mixed it into my coffee powder. The next study group ended quite abruptly. I am still smiling today when I think about. I might have over reacted, but I hate greediness.
I am a sissy cross-dresser. I try to walk like a woman. I even penetrate myself using a handle. I like to watch women in the street, not for lust but for learning to be like them. I envy them so much for their wide hips, big chests, and smoothly curved bodies. I even took 3 of my mom's underwear, which I wear regularly and hand wash them. I take a lot of pictures of me and post them online.
I am young by most standards, yet old enough to have lived. I was a soldier and then a private contractor, actively engaged in top secret counter terrorism missions most of my young adult life, until I met the love of my life to whom I am now married. I came home for a vacation, and there she was in a local store in my hometown. I had lived in hell all of my life, and then having seen most of the terrible things the world has to offer, she stood.
On our second day as newlyweds, I was pulled over by a police officer in my home town who informed me. He felt entitled to be with my wife, as he had previously been pursuing her on a romantic level.
It wasn't a week into being a newlywed, that we had packed our things and sold our home, heading for a new horizon, when we were stopped at gunpoint, searched and arrested at the airport. I was formally charged with sexual assault and allegedly had slept with two underage women a matter of a week prior. After being released from prison under the condition I stay in my home until after a trial, my faith in our system that I have fought and lost brothers in, began to crumble. My wife and I had lost our home, savings, friends, dignity and our careers to the allegation. However, our lawyer found the lack of evidence regarding the claims to be outstanding and approached a court to dismiss the charges.
Of course, the only officer who appeared to challenge dropping the charges was the very same officer who had previously confronted me about his wanting to be with my wife. The charges were dropped and 22 hours later, I was arrested again at gunpoint by the same officer and his detachment and charged with the same offense, involving a new individual. Since the charges have been laid, I remained in a maximum security prison for 6 months. I was allowed out of prison on a jail so high. Both my wife and my parents had to borrow to post it, and the conditions do not allow me to leave the inside of my home. Not for work, for groceries or even a haircut. I have not stepped on fresh grass, seen anything past my front lawn or communicated with another person other than my wife in 3 years. Now, awaiting trial. A trial for something, that never happened.
And so now my confession. With extensive and unique training in combat, intelligence, and warfare techniques and tactics I have further trained while locked inside my cage, every day for three years. I have taken the training I previously had, and fine tuned myself to live, breath and sleep preparing for war, right here at home. The confession I offer is not a premeditation of any action, but for forgiveness and some light of compassion to shine through inside me where only a terrible fire now burns. Do I punish those who destroyed the world of so many people I love for no just cause? Do I punish those who are sworn to protect us yet failed? Do I punish myself? God, grant me the serenity to not engage in the acts for which I feel are mandatory at this time. I have sworn to eliminate enemies both foreign and domestic. I need a life. I have taken life as I was ordered to do by my Country, now mine has been taken away for no cause. I need to see the outside. I need to breath or feel something, anything. Do I take the life of the girls who are helping the crooked police with their story? Who must pay? I have paid a price someone else sin. I did not do these things, and vengeance is due.
I am reading confessions since the end of my working day. That is 2 hours ago. My Boss just left and asked me why I was still here. I said quickly that I was voluntarily helping out on a company project for Marketing. I am actually doing that, but not outside office hours. In any case, he praised me highly for my dedication and told me to stay home the day after. I have a bit of a sore conscience but a day off is really nice.