On a cold winter's eve, I (m/22) wanted to meet my buddy at the shopping center for a little shopping. We both had only bikes in those days, and he'd arrived earlier than me and had already locked up his bike. Since I regrettably did not have a lock, I quickly ran inside to let him give me the key to his lock. Ran out again, locked my bike to his and then went to make the round through the arcade with him. After an hour we were ready to take off and went out again. Shock, my bike was gone! His stood there by its lonesome. At some point it dawned on me that I had locked my bike up somewhere completely different. Then I ran to said location and, see, there stood my bike by itself and unlocked. It appears that I attached my bike accidentally to a strange one and that by chance the key fit. I can just imagine the guy lying in his bed evenings, trying to figure out why somebody would do something like that. If you don't know the real reason, it can't make any sense whatsoever.
I have set up a screenshot of the with all symbols as desktop background on the PC of a mate of mine. After that, I hid all the symbols, moved the taskbar to the top of the screen and hid it as well. After hours of him trying to work it out and failing and I was unfortunately neither in any position to help him, he had to re-install.
After a night out my girlfriend and I snuck into her room in her parents house. It's right next to her parents bedroom. We had sex and tried to be as quiet as possible as usually I don't stay overnight. I was just taking her doggy style, and she was about to cum, when her head hit the wall quite loudly a couple of times. Her parents must have heard something cause all of the sudden they were standing in the room, gawking at us with sleepy faces. We really did not know what to hide or cover first. The image of me, taking their daughter doggy style must have been burnt into their brains for ever.
The hotel on last weeks holiday in L.A. serves it's guests their dinner on walking buffet.
Unfortunately, only one bottle of ketchup is available for all the tables. There is always a long line. Typically, when it was my turn to use the ketchup, the bottle was empty and I had to open a new one. It was one of those bottles where you have to remove a security film before the ketchup squirts out through the opening. While I'm busy opening the bottle I overhear the guy behind me saying to his girlfriend: "That idiot should hurry up, it takes so long, unbearable." He probably never thought of the fact that I could be from Germany too. Once started, he kept going making nasty remarks; eventually he started giving out about my beard. I maintain a 3 days beard which I treasure highly.
This was topping it, I almost lost it and really wanted to kick his ass. With effort, I could control myself; I really did not want any trouble with the police in the United States.
So, after having opened the bottle successfully, I directed the opening sneakily into his direction and hit the bottle as hard as I could. Most of the ketchup contained in the bottle splashed over him, from head down to his belt. He looked like he saw cows climbing trees and I really had to refrain from laughing, saying: " Oops, this idiot should have paid more attention". At this point his girlfriend started laughing really hard and I walked away. I felt a bit sorry having lost control after all and descending down to his level, but I did enjoy the action.
I'm (m/25) not very good with kids. It shows in various ways, for instance, I won't do that stupid baby talk, but I talk with kids normally just as with adults and I usually also tell it like it is. A couple of years ago, I had just left the university campus and on the way had stopped in a supermarket to buy beer, a young (pretty good-looking) mother and her little son queued up behind me. He was just old enough to walk and say a few words, and he was bouncing back and forth between the overpriced sweets next to the check-out counter and his mama. I had just paid, and there was the little rascal, looking up at me, pulling on my jacket, and asking "Papa"? I was in shock for a moment before concluding that he was wrong. Before answering, as calm as could be I looked his mother up and down (she was waiting to see how I would react) and then said: "Sorry, little guy, that's something I certainly would have remembered." Apparently, that's not what she had expected; she stood there, fixed to the spot and blushing. The cashier started to laugh out loud, and I went home, grinning.
My neighbor drives an old banger of a ford fiesta. The exhaust died a long time ago and the noises coming out of that car are to that effect. Punctual at 5.30 am, when he drives it out of the garage, I am wide awake and upright in my bed. It seems to feel like a small eternity before he, with running engine, has finished saying good bye to his wife and locking the garage . I found out by coincidence that all old ford keys fit in all old fords. You can't open the cars with them, but you can lock them.
So the next Wednesday morning I lay in ambush and waited until my neighbor went back into the house and the car was parked up with running engine. Locking the car with the Ford Mondeo key I had borrowed from my father was a matter of seconds. My neighbor returned and cursed wildly. He couldn't get into the car and there it was, clattering horribly. It got frantic, as the wife couldn't find the spare key either. I was watching the scene from behind my curtains, pissing myself laughing. After about 15 minutes a police car appeared, as apparently one of the other neighbors was fed up with the nightly interruptions. The policemen couldn't access the car either. Since no solution seems to be apparent, I returned to my bed. Only around 7 am it became quiet again. At first I presumed he was out of petrol and peeped out the window. About 10 neighbors, 2 patrol cars & an AA car were gathered outside. I assume it was thanks to the AA guy that my neighbor could finally access his car and switch off the engine. Since than I have gathered that the nasty pertubator had to join the AA for their help and the police fined him with a ticket for disturbance of the peace and a costly failing's card for his car. He changed his exhaust the same day. Since than the world is ok again at 5.30 am.
One day, when I was in 11th grade my classmates and I smoked a stick during lunch break and came back to class completely and utterly spaced out. Unfortunately I fell foul to a babble attack 5 minutes into class and spend the rest of the time talking to my teacher. At the end of the session, she pulled me aside and told me she gave me the best grade for my verbal attention today.
When I am all by myself in public toilets, at portable service stations, and notice that someone inside, I knock on the door and ask stupid joke-questions. Here's a selection: "Do you have a moment to talk about Jesus?", "How are you? Are you hiding something that you want to talk about?", I also try to build up small talk about the weather and football. The topics and patter come mostly completely spontaneously, because they have just come to mind. I know that this is strange behavior, but I love the thought that someone is there crouching on the toilet just thinking WTF?
I have to make a super-embarrassing confession here. One morning, my girlfriend and I wake up in bed in her parents' apartment. After a quick trip into the kitchen for water, she ventures: "Looks like both my parents are at work, what do you say let's do it?" Of course, we left the bedroom door open and really started banging away. It bears mentioning in this regard that my girlfriend can get pretty loud when we get physical in which I join her with rank abandon. After a while (we of course had tuned out everything as we went at it) we suddenly hear clearly quite a bit of noise being made in the kitchen. We both stifled it and lay there quiet as church mice, since someone apparently was home after all! It should be added that in the apartment you can see when someone goes from the living room through the hall into the kitchen and of course, vice versa! After lying still for ten minutes, I suddenly see out of the corner of my eye as my girlfriend's father tries to tiptoe unnoticed into the living room. The poor man had to listen for a good, long time, which must have seemed like an eternity to him, to me taking care of his daughter. The whole thing was so embarrassing that I couldn't look him straight in the eyes for a couple of weeks, and neither could he.
I'm fat and i want to be thin, because other people laugh at me and the others don't say anything but deep down in my heart i know they think i'm fat. I don't want to be like this. I didn't choose and i didn't wanted everything end like this so give me a chance, i'm begging you people. Let fat people live happy don't say anything and don't laugh at them, please share this message to everyone in the world.
Last year in 10th grade, I ditched school for almost two months. This was back when it was just my dad and grandpa living with me, and my dad goes to work early. Every morning, I would hide in my closet until around 3pm or later so they would think I was at school. I even brought my laptop in there so I wouldn't get bored and I managed pretty well. When the school finally called my parents, I lied and said that I was being bullied in my history class. Surprisingly, they believed it and switched my classes and all that. I've always been a liar and I regret ditching because I'm behind in credits, so I'm repeating classes, but no one knows that. I wish I could go back and fix that.
My father was a penny-pinching and rather sarcastic person. So that's why he explained to me as a child, slot machines in bars were for "people with too much money" and that they throw their money in them to get a kick out of the colorful, glowing symbols. I'm now 24 years old, a student, and just found out day before yesterday, that it's actually possible to win money on these machines.