I (f/24) was raped as a virgin thirteen years ago, and I let this man use me again six months after we first met. Why did I do that? Well, I guess I didn't know better and I had no idea what love was anyway. I found it was becoming a compulsion to go upstairs with strangers in hotel rooms and walk away as if I was fearful of closeness, intimacy and getting hurt to love again. I have not been with a man since then and I only have occasional sex chats on the internet. But I am now afraid of sex and having sex again, I'm so afraid I will collapse or suffer. I want to fall in love and have sexual pleasure in a way, but I am scared. Most of the men I meet want to control and force me into a strange and sexual mind set of abuse sex. I'm so afraid of a man hurting me if I fall in love with him before having sex.
Posted on 11.08.2013, 20:42:00 CET